Archive for October, 2007

The Things I’ve Learned From Staring at This Picture of Spencer Pratt

1. Spencer definitely watches when girls give him blowjobs.
2. Spencer has never given a woman an orgasm.
3. Spencer pees sitting down.
4. Spencer once threw his cell phone into a fountain because he saw Anne Hathaway do it in The Devil Wears Prada and then realize that it was a dumb mov(i)e.
5. Spencer has watched The Devil Wears Prada a total of 17 times, not counting that one time when he was drunk and watched it while Heidi was blowing him.

*How did my last name get dragged into any of this?
[Image: DListed]

My New Best Friend

I meant to post this a while ago, because after I saw this clip I immediately found MK Olsen to be the most charming little elf on earth. Seriously, once her beetle face starts moving she’s quite adorable. Combine this with the fact that she hasn’t been to rehab (okay, for drugs), takes her work seriously, picks up tiny acting jobs and doesn’t run with that ho Hollywood crowd, and I like her even more. She even does yoga!

We’re so destined for BFF-dom – one rich midget + one broke giant = forbidden love.

Parenting

Me & Dad.
photo-108.jpg

I think the scariest thing about babies is that they grow up to be you.

One Good Guy in NYC

He’s a good guy, and I’ll be sad to see Joe Torre go if Steinbrenner gets his way. I have a major soft spot for the guy and I kinda think he’s everything good about baseball, and maybe even this city.

That being said…YANKEES SUCK, BITCHES!

My Favorite Girls

If anything, this image alone should make Britney want to go to rehab.

I love me some LiLo! And obviously, so does LiLo. I do not, however, love this:

There’s a reason Britney looks forty, and it’s in her right hand. That and….everything else.

My Mom in Heaven

I am not totally sure yet what I believe about life after death. I’ve noticed that after the death of a loved one, people (perhaps in an attempt to make you feel better) will often tell you that the deceased is looking down on you. They’re making good things happen in your life. They’re with you in spirit. They can hear you talk to them.

I have private feelings about where my mom “is” now – I mean, besides being dead. Because, you know, the hard truth of it is – my mom is dead. And yes, that sucks and it is the worst. But sometimes I also think it is okay for her to just be dead. She doesn’t have to be some spirit floating around me all the time. My mom lived an amazing life, and sometimes I think that is just good enough.

But other times, I feel differently, and this week I had a nice thought about my mom in heaven. I had a particularly sad few days last week, for whatever reason some serious sadness just came on full force. By Tuesday I was feeling better, when my dad called to tell me that he was going to have to put our old little dog Simon to sleep that night. Simon was 15 and was a cranky little old man. He was kind of a crazy dog – he growled a lot and hated other dogs and was seriously territorial. There were many many times my family joked about how excited we were for his death (we are awful people!), and since we all kind of hated him my mom got stuck as his main caregiver. Even though the dog was a huge pain in the ass, my mom bent over backwards for the thing. He went to the best kennel (over an hour from my house), he was feed ground lamb. My mom took amazing care of the guy. And it paid off in the end, as over the last year Simon was the kind of dog we always wanted him to be – sweet, easy to be around, friendly. So when his time came I was sad, I cried, and I moved on in about twenty minutes. I’m getting pretty good at this death stuff.

But I had this thought that made me laugh. I imagined my mom up in her heavenly spot reading some sort of Dean Koontz thriller. She’s having a cup of tea and maybe the Weather Channel is on. And all of a sudden, Simon dies, and he pops up there at her feet in heaven. And my mom just goes, “Oh fuck.”

If anything, I hope my mom isn’t busting her ass watching over me. I’ll be okay because she did such a good job when she was here. I hope she’s relaxing with a good book, her birds chirping outside the window, the temperature a San Francisco-like 70 degrees. She has a bag of candy corn and a cup of tea beside her and the dog at her feet, still being a total pain in the ass in heaven.

I Know Fashion: Jessica Simpson

Everything about this outfit – aside from the person wearing it – works for me.

[JustJared]


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