Ugh. What a slow news week, eh? No crazy celebrity fuck fests, car accidents, club exit falls….I’M LOST WITHOUT THEIR RETARDATION!
Seriously the best thing I could find is that the Sex And The City movie is actually going to get made. And I kind of care that Jenna Jameson’s vag tightening surgery didn’t do the deed, but is that much of a surprise? I bet we find Osama Bin Laden before that V-Hole retains its pre-eight billion rounds of penetration shape and size.
But you know what? I almost don’t care. Because what I am most excited about is the weather. Summer is about to take a nice, hot, steamy dump on all of us, and I can’t wait! It’s sixty degrees, the birds are chirping, the teens are drunk driving, and I’ve changed my MySpace song to match the mood.
The Things I Most Excited For About Summer
– The Smell Of Urine
– Men Peeing On The Streets At All Hours Of The Day
– Men Peeing On My Doorstep So It Seeps Into My Apartment Building’s “Lobby”
– Stepping In The Pee Of Men Who I Do Not Know
– Awkward Conversations With The Men Whose Pee I’m Standing In
– Feet That Smell Like Random Men’s Pee
I love summer in New York! Bring it on, global warming!