I’m about to hop on a bus back to Massachusetts. I wanted some food from Subway to bring with me. At Subway I ran into my friend Jeff Hiller.
I asked the Subway Sandwich Maker for half of the whole wheat sub, and turned around to say something inappropriate to Hiller. When I turned back around to sub it up, the guy was loading meatballs onto my sub.
Me: Oh I’m sorry, I don’t want meatballs.
Subway Sandwich Maker/Asshole: That’s what you said.
Me: No, I’m a vegetarian, I don’t want meatballs.
SSM/A: I heard you, you asked for meatballs. That’s what you said.
Me: No, I didn’t.
SSM/A: Yes you did. It’s cool.
Me, to myself: NO IT IS NOT “COOL”. I HAVEN’T EATEN RED MEAT IN OVER A YEAR! YOU HEARD ME WRONG, YOU ASSFACE! Oh, wait, you could spit in my sandwich or kill me. I’ll stop yelling to myself in my head now.
Me: Um okay, I want swiss cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, cucumbers, peppers, oil and vinegar, and salt and pepper.
Me, to myself: AND MEATBALLS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!