Archive for January, 2007

I Did It

This Sunday I completed the ING Miami Half Marathon.

The Saturday before I was seated in the Green Room of the UCB Theatre before the Reuben Williams show, and my friend Eric made an astute observation. “You’re always sick,” he said.

“I haven’t been sick once yet this winter!” I replied. Then I knocked on a wooden table. So of course that following Thursday I woke up and felt the onslaught of a cold emerging in my nose and throat. It was the usual – stuffy, runny nose, lumpy throat, cough, head congestion. I took some hippie homeopathic medicine and drank a lot of liquids. We woke up early Saturday morning to get to the airport and I felt like even more ass. The plane ride turned my head into a magical balloon that felt like it was about to explode while being pounded by 2x4s. I figured out that it was a sinus infection. Party!

When I woke up at 4AM Sunday morning to run the half marathon I decided against taking any medicine because I am nuts and anxious and was afraid running for two and a half hours on Tylenol Cold & Sinus might make my heart stop. So I rocked it sans meds. I met up with Sean at 5AM in the hotel lobby and we headed over to the Start Line, where we were supposed to get into our corrals and trot into the sunrise. Instead we stood in a downpour for twenty minutes waiting to go. And we finally did – 1o minutes late – but still, the race started all wet and puddle-y and off we ran over a giant bridge into South Beach in the dark.

And it was totally awesome!

Not only was in a really nice course (ie: FLAT) with pretty scenery, it was well organized with lots of water and Gatorade stops. I felt great – my sinus infection put itself on hold and I ran the whole thing without using ONE TISSUE – a milestone for me as I normally go through an entire box of tissues per run. By the end of the race the sun was out and I was not too destroyed at the finish line. It was great!

The only time I got mad was when I noticed that this chick was totes rocking my original Nike singlet.

The best part of the whole thing was having my friend and improv guru Sean Conroy run the thing with me. We got separated during the 5AM downpour but finished within minutes of each other.

That night we all went out and smoked cigars and drank scotch at some fancy hotel, which is what all the elite runners do.

This also REALLY helped the sinus infection, which started back in about a minute after finishing the race.

I’m totally addicted to half marathoning. There’s something about beating your body into the ground that is extremely appealing to me. I’m on the hunt for my next one.


I’m In Miami

So I’m not going to be posting for a couple of days.

In case you were curious.

It’s warm here; I ran another half marathon and I’m sore. That’s why I haven’t yet written about stuff like this. But I will again soon.


I really want to write about this lip gloss that I bought today but I feel like that will signify that I am seriously turning into a character from Sweet Valley High. And not even Elizabeth, but worse – Jessica. A dumb lip gloss loving ho-bag who drives a Fiat.

The hunt for the perfect gloss, along with the perfect overpriced pair of jeans, perfect bikini/eyebrow wax, and perfect cheap red wine, is never over. However, I bought some Cover Girl lip gloss today and it’s fantabulous. I can’t be wasting no twenty-two dollars on that nasty Nars shit. I sneak into Sephora and walk out with sixty-eight bucks worth of fancy lip gloss and I never really love any of it! Alas. It is an endless search, but my new stick of Cover Girl WetSlicks Crystals in “crush” is a good bump in the road. It’s a nice neutral pink shade that’s all wet looking and sparkles all pretty like a tacky H&M dress.

For only seven dollars!

Okay, I’m going to go call Lila now.

Sussy Makes A Good Point On GChat

Susannah: I have a theory that the reason Britney will never find true love is because she still has the kind of taste we had when we were 10.

Childhood Celebrity Crush List

In no particular order…

He Man (cartoon version)
Mackenzie Astin
Black Stallion boy
Brother on Little House On The Prairie
Corey Haim
Scott Baio
The guy from Parker Lewis Can’t Loose
Donnie Wahlberg
Jason Bateman and the two other brothers on Valerie
River Phoenix
Keanu Reeves
Christian Slater
Fred Savage (pre-horrifying puberty change)
Chase Hampton
Edward Furlong
Johnny Depp (21 Jump Street era, especially)

Hm. There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to my lust.

Trainers, Tackies, Tennis Shoes

Gawker brings up a good point – what is with all of us New Yorkers wearing strictly white converse on our mean streets?

I own a pair, and can think of a whole army of ladies who do too.
Do you?

Baio, Me Say Baio

I had a lot of crushes when I was a kid – Mackenzie Astin, the boy who starred in the Black Stallion Movie, the adopted brother on Little House On The Prairie. I was a horndog, seven years old and ready to kiss on the lips with no tongue. Naturally, Scott Baio was high up on the list. Charles In Charge was kind of a strange show – it wasn’t on a network so it felt like it was in perpetual syndication but with new episodes. Still, he was bonetastic, and Italian (looking?), which would make my grandmother happy.

Then Scott Baio boned a lot of hot chicks. Following all this boot knocking he got ugly and stopped working. Now he is pitching a book about all those chicks that he took to bed, including – get your vomit bucket ready – Liza Minelli.

If I were casting an ultra-independent movie, I’d definitely cast Baio, along with Jennifer Grey, Tara Reid, David Schwimmer and Suri Cruise. I would be the toast of Sundance right now.

Paris Exposed as Dildo Loving, Tampon Smoking Cokehead

You may have heard the story a while ago about Paris Hilton forgetting to pay rent on her storage space leaving all her personal items to be auctioned off to random strangers. Well it happened, and those random strangers bought all her stuff – her videos, pictures, and journal entries, and put them up on the web.

You can watch a free video clip and check out some of the pictures on their site, and if you want to buy me an early birthday present, it only costs forty dollars to access all the goodies.
Pretty please.

All the stuff on the site is pretty standard slutbag cokescum stuff that one has come to expect from Paris, but my favorite part was the short video clip of a hairy-chested bald man with $5000 worth of coke on his chest exclaiming “This is how you do coke, people!” Presumably Paris and friends were about to snort up the mound of coke n’ nipple hairs off this dude’s chest.

However if you look closely at the dude, I am pretty sure it is Todd Meister, Nikki Hilton’s former husband of 86 days.

Here’s Coke Chest:

Here is Todd Meister with some Upper East Side types:

Here he is in a car with Nikki and Bijou Phillips (driving to go get coke?):

Kind of looks the same, right?

Hilariously, when describing Todd Meister to E news right after he and Nikki wed in Vegas, Paris Publicist Elliot Mintz said, “I would suggest he is a very serious, very sober businessman with some very important clients who take his business very seriously.”


Turn To The Left

I am so lost when it comes to fashion. This is getting worse as I creep closer to 30 and my future of Keds, mom jeans, and funky pins. I’m just clueless, a little too tall, and have a shoe size that doesn’t show in women’s shoe lines. This is why I am either always in sneakers or in pain.

I checked out Nylon’s site as their pages are filled with the MisShapey hotness of other young folk. But I can’t relate to these people! They all seem to have mastered looking like really hot aliens.

Am I really old or have I been holed up running errands for my family in Wellesley, Massachusetts for too long? These people scare me. Get me to an Old Navy or Forever 21 stat!

Time To Stretch!

There’s no exciting celebrity retardation to post on this blog today.

LohAAn is still in rehab, Paris is still a ho bag, and Britney is holed up at home feeding her babies Big Macs and Shasta. Meanwhile, all the big stars have let loose at the Sundance Film Festival:

Luckily DListed had this geezer workout video made by Estelle Getty that someone has mashed up to a Beyonce jam. This is what I experience when going to the gym at around 2 PM on a weekday in my parents’ suburban Masshole town. Lots of long cotton t shirts and wall pushups.
It always makes me hot.

January 2007

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