Archive for November, 2006

Video Gaga

This is a plug.

 My Carson Daly video is going to be up at Video Gaga tonight at UCB, hosted by the hilarious and very well-dressed Sara Schaefer.

I am in Boston so you should go as my proxy!

And now here is my favorite video/song from October, 1990.

The World Is Retarded

I’m a little cranky these days about certain things, but I am pretty sure that the world is a giant shithole of dumbness. It is like one big episode of Saved By The Bell without the witty, intelligent 90’s dialogue and dance-offs.

Here is proof:

1. Nicole Richie attempts to write for Page Six with this obvious “Blind Item” on her MySpace. I probably would have gone with “leather face” as opposed to “raisin face”, but overall it’s a nice piece.

2. This self-flatulating douchebag should hop the first bus to Iraq. I’m sure the people of Fallujah would have a blast beheading to some Joy Division.

Sidenote 2a: The ironic use of the word “Niggazz” has got to stop. I know it’s super hip and classy, but move on to something else, homie. Also – slavery, you stupid L Train Nike-head.

Sidenote 2b: I really hate these douchebags.

3. Lindsay Lohan is batshit coked up looney tunes. One minute she is accusing Paris Hilton of beating her and then a few hours later she is shoving herself next to BSpears’ cellulite cheeks in Paris’s Back To The Future car.

Come to think of it, Girlfriend is not really that retarded – just kind if sad and awkward, like someone you used to know who is now paralyzed. LiLo has a sperm’s worth of talent and she is just blowing it on really crazy nosebleeds.

“I just snorted two pounds of blow, bitches!”

4. Iraq, that Russian spy who was offed, Michael Richards, NYPD shooting at an unarmed groom-to-be 50 times and killing him, the assasination of that Lebanese minister, yadda yadda yadda – the world is retarded.

5. Every ho on the Upper East Side has baby boners for this Tinsley Mortimer fugboat. I am not sure why she is generating panty-twisting, as she just looks like a WASPified version of the woman who used to play Kristin on Days Of Our Lives:

Oh I get it! She’s REALLY good at her eating disorder and shopping at Intermix. Silly me.

Whew.

All this early morning rage has me tired. I’m going back to sleep ya’ll.

But first – check out my Vageneration!

FBC

Meet my newest, most favoritest MySpace friend:

It is Frances Bean Cobain, whose birth I can remember and who is now a super cool 14 year old typin’ up slang on her MySpace blog from the confines of her Beverly Hills bedroom. I wish I was not 27 so it would be normal for me to think she is cool.

Because look:

I mean is that not the most cutest dress ever? And FB is not anorexic! I can’t see the lines of her organs through her clothes! She looks her age and seems normal! Her make up is fresh and natural! Her hair is shiny! She puts cute outfits together! She rocks the Marc Jacobs!

I am so over your crazy ass, Lindsay Lohan. FBC is where it’s at! I am just hoping and praying that she doesn’t fall off course somewhere and become one of these:

Not to change subjects here, but WTF?

If Paris is supposed to be in charge of rehabilitating Britney’s image, she’s started off doing a crappy job. I just don’t understand people with millions dressing like unwiped assholes. I am pretty sure I look better in head to toe Old Navy than Britney does in this clothing concoction clearly whipped together by a homeless blind man. Who she then boned to make Kevin jealous.

Thanksgiving

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.
 -Emerson
 
 
 

Damn, This Week Has SUCKED So Far.

Right guys?

GUYS?

“What? Oh yeah.”

“Dude, I am going to kick your ass.”

“I know.”

“Bleep Blop Gorg. When we touch our noses together the earth will collide with the sun. Bleep Blup.”

Under My Bed

Oh no.

This is the creepiest thing I have seen in forever and is one of my biggest fears.  Two girls sneak into some couple’s house and live there secretly for 5 days?  I just dry heaved and then checked under my bed.  There was a man hiding there eating leftover lasagna and I politely asked him to leave.

I actually think it might be kind of real, unlike everything else on YouTube. If it was fake, wouldn’t they have gotten way hotter chicks to do it?

Bummin’ Me Out

Lots of things REALLY bum me out these days, guys. I can barely make it out of the house. I complied a list and it only made me feel MORE depressed.

  • Cancer. BOOOO You stink like farts.
  • War. What is it good for? I guess some things. Like creating more war.
  • The Sudan stuff. That doesn’t look fun.
  • Terrorists hate us!
  • N’Awlins is still a mess, and people are still calling it N’Awlins who have no business doing so.
  • Pam and Jim still not together.
  • More War. Kidnapping is whack ya’ll!
  • Aids.
  • Poverty.
  • Women not having the right to vote.
  • THIS PICTURE:


source.


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